[Edward Haverston]

God.. is a benevolent being... giving of himself so that he may wash away your sins... 

How many times had I sat through such a lecture... forgive me a sermon. Too many to count. How this benevolent being could so easily take upon it all the sins in the world so as to make my life better... 

Yet it was allowed the wanton destruction of priceless knowledge... the death of loved ones in such was as was preventable. There was no Benevolence in this "God" Because this "God" was but a man dressed up in fancy words. 

My crisis in faith as they would call it happened not long upon my return from the desert. The things upon which I saw there no man should ever see... nor have to take part in. 

But we all did... and some relished it more than others... I do not know if I was in that category... but I awake some nights in a cold sweat dreaming and yearning to feel the sting of the sand upon my face... as its blow by a hot wind. The screams of the dead and dying around me as my blade slashes through leather bone and flesh.. 

To Kill in the name of a God is to be of that God. 

Or so I thought.. 

Worship is a strange thing... I have learned. Each God or Goddess coming upon its means of power differently... You have those whom the simple prayer will sustain them in their being and faith. Others take more or less of you. 

But it is held true... as long as one person believes.. as long as one person worships... that God will exist to them.

I had the opportunity this very night to forgo all the insanity of this "Faithcrime" inquisition.. Part of me must credit Karl for even considering to offer the out... 

But as I sat there.. and thought upon it.. I knew Headmistress Heph would never sell her convictions for her own safety. 

And across from me sat Cael and Katya.. I could not look upon them knowing I had lied to save my own skin... 

So I damned myself in the eyes of the Imperium and I do not weep. 

I Worship the Goddess of Knowledge. I worship the God of the Desert. I worship the God of Justice. I bow before the Goddess of the Underworld. 

And Damn anyone who would hurt Heph or attempt to move against the Library. 

Ontop of it all I learned tonight.. that the Imperium for all their speeches and talks of being "Free will.. and freedom" are Hypocritical to the last. Worshiping some She Demon with "god like powers.." 

If you worship it. its a bloody god.. I don't care if its the outhouse seat.. in the middle of the night after drinking far to much ale in Tormus's tavern.. if you praise it as you would a god.. then its a god. Long live the toilet seat. 

But what makes it worse.. is they worship a Demon. 

This came from their Inquisitors own lips. 

I need to finish collecting my thoughts and return to my work. There is much to be done. We still need to contact the Five Houses and offer them each their office of neutrality with the Library. These offices will become sovereign pieces of territory within the library reflecting their own nation as long as they remain neutral with the Library.. 

And for one house to attack the library.. it means they are attacking every nation... 

And finish copying the Manuscripts we have on hand of the Gods and Goddess already... I did not realize how many there potentially were.. and the ones I have found so far are only of the human gods.. 

I really just wish to crawl into bed and sleep... but I doubt sleep will be visiting me any time soon... 

Oh, merciful death that upon which we worship..oh gentle caress we seek.. oh sweet surrender. I give unto thee.. my goddess.. you shall be..